“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”
I know I don’t write often, but this past year has been a little crazy. I do want to share a couple things with you though….
When I was a lil babe I decided that I wanted to live in mom and dad’s house for forever and my heart’s desire was for all my siblings to get married and build their houses in our backyard.
Then I realized that the term for that type of community was, “cult.”
I’m not sure when God drastically changed my mind, but somewhere along the way I began to feel that my home was temporary…that eventually I would leave.
I don’t really know how to explain this so excuse me if I ramble.
Burlington is a beautiful, friendly town….Full of kind and generous people. But it doesn’t feel like home.
The people that I’m surrounded by are dear to my heart, however there’s an emptiness inside me that this place can’t fill.
I read about places in Europe, Asia, and Africa and I want to be there. I want to see the great monuments of this earth, the Eiffel Tower, the Pyramids, Big Ben, the Himalaya’s, and the Mediterranean. There’s a…..I guess the right term would be a yearning in my heart to travel and see the earth. There are times when I get so frustrated with the sameness of a small town like Burlington. Sometimes I feel like because the town never changes that the people will also never change. They’ll tell the same stories, have the same problems and die the same way generation after generation. They won’t move further than the county line and they’ll acquire the same level of education that their family before them attained. I know how cynical this sounds and that’s truly not what I’m aiming for…it’s just that I feel so stuck.
On the flip side of this is the fact that yes, Burlington will never change. It will always be the same steady place, the place that you can always count on to remain the same. In a way, that’s beautiful.
I fully realize that God has placed me in this specific town for a purpose and I don’t want to undermine his intentions for this time in my life, but the desire of my heart is to someday leave.
“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
For me at least, I think that to stay in my hometown for the rest of my life would suffocate me. I know how dramatic that sounds, but I don’t think that all people were meant to stay in the place that they were born. God calls us each to very different paths and the one I believe he would have for my life is one that may not be understood or encouraged by all. To stay here would be sentencing myself to a life of settling, of being comfortable and never pushing myself past where I know I can go.
To be perfectly honest, this scares me. What if when I am asked to do something or go somewhere, I’m not ready? What if where I’m called to go is dangerous? What if I misinterpret where God wants me to be? These are all questions that I think about constantly, but the last question is one that scares me the most.
What if this emptiness inside me can’t be filled by another town or country, what if the reason it’s there at all is because I never learned to be content?
I don’t know.
That’s really all that I do know, the fact that the answers to those questions are only known by God. I can simply pray that he, in his perfect timing, would show me.
For now, in this year, month, week. I am to be content here. I can’t go. I can’t leave now, so I have to be joyful in this place and prepare myself for the day that God says,
Have a very Merry Christmas!
Love better, read more, and rejoice always.
Pictures by JustRylie Photography and the interweb.